Confusion of the Love beasts of meat and hair
by PataTakeru
Summary: SPLOOOSHA! Thats a FREAKIN MUFFIN!! umm...well, this is a fic regarding the romances i though up while watchin IZ. Many thing happening. PLEASE READ THIS. please? for the muffin?...ENJOY! ZAGR, ZATR, Tack and Dib
1. Point of no Return

INVADER ZIIIIIIIIIIM!!!  
  
my very own fanfic...YAY!!!  
  
for those who stumble on this and wonder...hey!! aren't you supposed to finish that other fanific u started a YEAR AGO???  
the answer is....YES!! but...i'll do that later...sry. Shattered Dreams will have to wait. FOR ZIM COMES FORTH!!!  
  
  
When i saw the episode about Tak, i jus couldn't help the ideas pore into my head. What can I say? me=hopeless romantic.  
  
ENJOY!!!  
  
Squirrels and a Taxie cab....WHAT DOES IT MEEAAAAAAAAAAN????  
  
  
  
  
  
Chapter 1  
  
  
  
"Alien!!! ALIEN!!! I know...you know...heck the mailman knows! Why HIDE it Zim??? Thirty minutes from now, your guts will be ALL over an operating table in area 51!!"  
"Foolish human slab of hair and meat!!! You know you can't defeat ME!!....you don't even know how to operate a Voot Runner, slime monkey!! Wait, the mailman knows?"  
  
Far out in the reaches of Jupiter's moons, two Irken ships collided in a hidious dogfight where only the biggest idiot...er...i mean superior species would survive. Dib, a strange funny big headed kid had stolen a battle ship from wannabe would be invader...ZIM!!!   
But even though higher incompetance was on Zim's side, they were both in IRKEN ships, Dib knowing nothing of and learning nothing fast. Needless to say....Zim had the upper hand.  
"Watch now, DIB!!" carefully manipulating Irken control modules, Zim hacked into the other ship's main frame, causing it to plumet towards one of the various moons on which they fought.  
"What? What are you doing?? You'll never get away with this Zim. You....oh crap." The craft crashed head first onto a moon, causing the pilot to be knowcked unconcious.  
"Yes Dib...you're in DEEP crap now!"  
  
Dib awoke in a strange, glowing tube, in a place unknown to human existance, deep underground the city.  
"MUAHAHAHA! What are you going to do NOW earth stinkboy? Your lack of inteligence makes me laugh. Here I go. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"  
  
*blink blink* Dib carefully studied his surroundings..."Hey, you get new wallpaper?"  
"Yeah, yeah," said Zim, yawning as he typed in some commands.  
*scratch scratch* "Hmm, and I thought your stasis pods were green."  
"Yeah, I thought it was getting a bit drab. And you seemed to get little bored with it"  
"Hmm...hey, is that a stolen hotdog stand in the corner?"  
"Uh, well...funny story...see Gir was...wait a minute! What am I talking to you for?? I have special PROBING to do! MUAHAHA!!" Zim unsheathed a various number of spiked thingys and rikety doodads. Sparks flew as he activated his probing lazer. "And now, to unleash screaming doom!!"   
Dib was slammed onto an operating a table, strapped down and ready for slicing. The lazer drew closer and closer...slightly burning of the hairs on his skin as Dib screamed. "MUAHAHAHA!!"  
*BAM!* "Huh?"  
The main door suddenly burst open, an ecstatic Gir flew out.  
"Bouncy, boucny, bouncy!! We be havin a guest master!" Gir shouted and jumped around, causing chaos in the lab. With a kick he spilled Zim's "poop" drink all over the floor.  
"Oopsy!"  
"NOOOOOOOO!!! My poor, poor drink! WHY?? WHYYYYYYYYYY? NOOOOOOOOOoooooooh well."  
Gaz walked in with the usual grim look on her face. "C'mon Dib, you need to be home by eight, dads bringing guests. The Ukrainian presidents or something. Stop playing with Zim and lets go."  
She unstraped Dib through Zim's horrifying screams of...horror.  
"WHAT are you DOING human pig!?! GIR!! Why did you let her in?!? Our is supposed to be a SECRET ONE! Not public, SEEECRET!!! GIR, DESTROY THEM!!"  
Eyes flashing red, Gir came to attention. "Yes master!!" His head opened and weapons poured out, turrets, lazer cannons, decimators, flablifyers, magnifyers and various "shocking" weapons.  
"I will do as my master wishes. Prepare to be..."  
Gaz lifted Dib's unconcious body up and walked back to the warp tunnel. "Gir, help me get back up."  
"OOOOKEY!!"  
Gaz, Gir and Dib traveled up the tunnel as Zim smacked his head in frustration. By the time he catched up with him, both the humans were gone and Gir was watching Crazy Monkey.  
"GIR!!! Why do you keep doing that?!? I TOLD YOU NOT TO LET HUMANS IN!! I'm so MAD I could...I COULD...ah well, angry monkeys on..."  
He sat down on the couch, grabbing a snack pop on the way.   
"Whats happening"  
"Angry monkey...monkey angry."  
"Ahh, that monkey...."  
  
Suddenly a cold breeze. A flash. A shudder. Zim barely noticed and had little time before it was too late. Those cold hands suddenly wrapped around his head from nowhere. Gir was down on the floor...in pieces. That cold breathe. That wicked laugh. She breathed with excitment as Zim screamed in pain. "I'm baaaaack!"  
  
Zim's secret base was in tatters. He'd put up a desperate fight, the computer came to his aid, but had little avail. It was infected imediatly and Zim AND his base were soon at her mercy. Yes. She was back. Tak was back....and this time for vengeance...   
  
Zim was slammed against the wall. He was nearly unconcious. Tak battered him again and again. She laughed her wicked laugh as she pinned him to the slashed remains of Zim's old couch. Zim breathed raggedly as Tak's cold hands pressed against his body.  
"Wha? Who? Gir? Where are you? What the...."  
"HAHAHAHA!! Pitiful, pitiful Zim. Didn't expect my coming back, did you? Your incompetance stopped you from ever even concieving my return to bring you my impending dooooom! It is I! T.."  
"Wha? Who?"  
"Me! T.."  
"Huh? Who?"  
"TA.."  
"HEE??"  
"IT'S ME, TAK!!!"  
"Huh? Who? How?"  
"GAAAR!!! You stupidity amazes me. You realize how long I traveled in limbo out there? In SPACE?!? You abandonded me, left me for DEAD! Now I've come back Zim...to make you PAY!!!"  
Zim slowly came to his wits and realized what was going on. The horror. How could he not have planned for this?? How could have let her infiltrate his base? He should have counted on her return..planned for it...how...  
Tak laughed wickedly as her robot slave ravaged the house behind her. Her breathe terrified him beyond anything. What would she do to her? What horrors had she in store? Tak slowly came down...and let he sleek red tongue slide out of her mouth.  
"What the..."  
Tak closed her eyes as she ran her tongue along Zim's soft cheek. He screamed in horror as his skin burned in agony. Any liquid would hurt him...even the saliva of his own race.  
She giggled slightly sheepishly as she came down on helpless Zim again, licking his cheeks, making him buuuurn.  
"You see Zim. I'm going to make your existance slow...and painful. My last plan was a bit too hasty, I realize that now. I made a few mistakes, but THIS time...oooh this time Zim, you'll PAY!"  
Tak's maniacal laughter was cut short as Zim shot up and kissed her deeply. Tak's eyes opened wide and nearly screamed. When they drew apart, she could only gasp. Taking the oppurtunity, Zim flung her off.  
"MUAHA! A little TRICK I learned from the humans on tv."  
Zim spat out auxilary codes for the wrecked computer as Tak lay there on the floor dumbfounded at what had jus happened. Wires shot out as a back up computer sprang into action, suddenly aiding zim with an irken infantry mech. As the first missles fired, Tak realized what was happening...and got the hell out of there, spouting threats the whole time.  
The mech deactivated and a beaten Zim plopped out. Looking around at the damage, he figured it would take at least two days to get the base back up to speed.  
"*sigh*...computer...begin repairs, house hollegraphic interface engage until computer reaches 80% total function ability. Set up back up gnomes and configure to total alert mode. If anything moves in our yard, it better be dead within 5 seconds. At least she didn't get to the equipment underground."   
Zim set up emergency base procedure...procedures not meant for defense against an Irken invader but for the lowly likes of Dib. If she came back, he would be at her total mercy...and they both knew it. Hatred poured through Zim like a raging torrent...anger at himself...at his carelessness...at Tak. But as he lay there, through his thick egotistical nature and his love for himself came a strange feeling of admiration...Tak had gotten him totaly unawares...and for some reason that made him think.....  
Zim touched his lips. He could still taste her.   
  
  
Elsewhere, Tak lay down in her false fathers house...wondering why she didn't go back and finish what she had started...how Zim could have gotten the best of her again...and furthermore, why that...thing he did...felt oh so pleasent. 


	2. Confusion at Skool

i know...this fic SUX!!! i'm used to writing angst, and my writing style doesn't really match romance. Plus my PITIFUL attempt to integrate humor into my writing had FAILED. WHY HAS IT FAILED!?! I dun know. Anywhos, heres chapter two..the crap gets uh...crappier  
  
  
  
Chapter Two  
  
  
The bell rung as all the students hurried to get inside before being marked tardy. The students in Ms. Bitter's class had special reason NOT to go inside. There was a four page written test with mandatory essay involving random diarama configuration implemants required. The trudging into class to the impending doom.  
"Class, I'd like to welcome Tak back into class. She disappeared and suddenly came back again. No one cares, so why should I. Now SIT DOWN!"   
Tak kicked a wimpering Zim in the shins as she passed and sat down in her seat behind Dib.  
"Now, take out your pencils and get ready for the hell I'm about to unleash. Umm, uh, I mean your test. Tak, you're exhempted because you've been gone."  
All the children groaned and started working. Both Dib and Zim were of course the first to finish, but instead of having their usual glaring contests after tests, Dib started writing a note and Zim sat there staring at Tak with a quizical look on his face. She responded by mouthing, "You will pay," then winking and licking her lips. Zim blushed.  
Dib passed his note back to Tak. It read:  
Tak?? What happened to you? Zim never told me what happened in space. Oh and   
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?!? How could you not tell me??  
Tak merely giggled slightly after reading the note and responded by writing back:  
When two people put there mouths together and sort of...suck, what does it signify? Do humans do it often?  
Dib sat there staring at the note for a few minutes wondering where the heck that came from. Finally he wrote:  
Thats a kiss. It usualy signifies affection or love. WHY??  
Tak read the note and then looked at Zim...note...Zim...note...Zim. It made no sense to her. She wrote back:  
Zim kissed me last night.  
Dib sporaticly fell out of his chair. The teacher hissed as he looked back apologeticly. For the rest of the hour, he sat there thinking. All three of them did.  
When the bell finally rang, the mass of skool children ran outside to escape from their horrid teacher. The second no teacher was looking, Dib imediatly grabbed Zim by the colar.  
"You! What did you and Tak do last night?? And why did you kiss her?"  
Zim pushed Dib away and said, "What do you care? It's none of your business worm child."  
Zim started walking away...straight into Tak. He wimpered away and covered his old bruises from the night before. Gaz walked up to the three, slurping from a can of poop cola.   
"The one thing that can bring males down to his knees...in any species..." she said, "Women."  
Tak lifted Zim up and forced him to see her eye to eye. Strangely, he was a bit taller then she was this time around... Tak smirked, Zim cowered. Without warning, she came to his lips and tried her best to kiss the bewildered Irken.  
Dib was shocked. Gaz was pissed. Gas suddenly came up and seperated the two.  
"Ugh, this is a public place. Watchin you two do that makes me sick."  
Tak laughed and replied, "Heheh, well I was jus returning the favor."  
She brought out a bottle of BBQ sauce, splooshed it all over a screaming Zim, and left.  
Dib ran off after her and Gaz stood there watching Zim roll in pain as she slurped her cola.  
"You ok there?"  
"AAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAaaaaah yeah. I have my paste on. I'm only screaming so she'd leave."  
The looked at each other...Gaz slurping....Zim thinking.  
Gaz kicked Zim and left. Zim got up, rubbing his knee, and walked back towards the school muttering something about the infectious disease called women.  
  
  
  
MORE TO COME!! MUAHAHAHAHA!!! Yeah, i suck. REVIEW! review NOW!! Postulio comands you!! falmes welcome. DO IT! 


	3. Dib makes a bomb, Gaz gets pissed

And the MADNESS CONTINUES!! BLAAAPREEOOGH!!! ahem...anywhos, heres chapter three. pray I don't get writers block. PRAY EARTH WORM BABYS!! pray.....  
  
just saying, this fic can go ZAGR or ZATR, i'm not 100% sure. we'll see...  
  
  
  
Chapter 3  
  
As Zim walked home that day, he concluded to do nothing about Tak in the near future. First off, he already had plans to finish and a planet to conquer, and secondly, he didn't have a clue what Tak would be up to, and frankly, after the day's playground incident, was scared out of his wits by her. Confused as well.   
Zim walked inside his fortress of solitude and began to work on his ingenious plan...  
  
  
Gaz was laying in front of the tv, drawing demented pictures of decapitated humans and deformed piggys. She was finishing the details on one particularly nasty monster when she heard a crash from behind her. Dib's scream of pain hardly made her flinch.  
"Gaz! Could you help me? I'm looking for one of dad's old detonator modules. And could you get this junk off me? I'm kind of buried under machinery here."  
Gaz reached for a dark red colored crayon, yelling back, "Why do you have to exist?"  
A few minutes later Dib barged into the living room with a small black box triumphantly raised in his hand. "This will fix him..." he said between bursts of maniacal laughter.¡±This will fix him gooood...keep him away....and stop those plans of he...uh..I mean..."  
Gaz stopped and looked up. "Plans of HE? What¡¯s your problem?"  
"Gah...you know what I mean."  
Gaz stood up and walked over to Dib who was playing with some knobs on the black box.  
"Wait...did you say that was a detonator module? What are you up to? You know dads still mad about that mailbox you blew up last month when you thought you trapped a jackalope."  
"Hey! A rat that huge, anyone could have made the same mistake. But this...no...this isn't some trivial mysterious animal...no...this is fate of the world stuff Gaz!"  
She dropped her cola. "Huh? Zim? You're going to blow up Zim?"  
Dib laughter manically once more before explaining, "C'mon. Don't you understand the need for him to be terminated? I mean, he's trying to destroy the human race!"  
Gaz picked up her spilled soda. "Well, what did you have in mind? What¡¯s your stupid plan this time?"  
"You really want to know?"  
She kicked him.  
"OW! Alright, alright. During p.e. today I sneaked out and ran over to Zim's house. I found that if I continually attack Zim's computer with level 5b viruses, all its resources, the gnomes, the cameras, the sensors, would be completely rendered useless for 30 seconds before it uh...takes over my own computer. By the way, the, uh, laptop's broken."  
Gaz gritted her teeth. She didn't like where this was going. Plus, dad was gonna give them hell when he came home. "What about Gir?"  
"I don't know. He was gone. I attached a pack of c-4 to his toilet lab door. Heheh..." Dib flipped the main switch on the box. "MUAHAHA!! The second he presses that flush knob, he'll be blown straight back to...wherever he came from. HAHAHA..."  
Dib's laughter was interrupted as Gaz slammed him against the floor. "WHAT??!? You're going to KILL Zim?!? I thought you wanted to take him to an autopsy table."  
"Gaz! What are you doing? I did want to cut him up like the MEAT he is...but a recent development makes me want to just blow him up. Now let me up! What do you ca.."  
"Shut it OFF."  
"Wha?"  
"SHUT THE FUCKIN THING OFF"  
"Huh? What? Why? It¡¯s for the good of mankind! I can't turn it off anyways, it¡¯s set now."  
"You and your STUPID MANKIND!! Do you EVER think of somebody else besides YOURSELF??"  
Dib paused for a sec and replied, "But, killing Zim IS for the benefit of everyone..."  
Gaz's eye twitched. "God...you moron...you JERK! Don't you understand ANYTHING? Just picture it! Zim, DEAD! Don't you ever think of the consequences? You're willing to KILL someone? What would you think at his funeral?!? I'm NOT going through this again because of YOU! I WONT lose someone ELSE I love AGAIN because of your weirdness!"  
"GAZ! He's an ALIEN!!! Wait...love??"  
Gaz shuddered and gnashed her teeth. She picked up a helpless Dib and kneed him the groin.  
"You jerk..." she said before she threw him whimpering to the floor and ran out the door.  
  
  
  
heheh...sry for the lack of humor in this one...I¡¯ll do better in the chapters to come, promise. now REVIEW!! REVIEW LIKE YOU'VE NEVER REVIEWED...before  
I'll update soon, prolly a chapter or two a nite...i'm really into this story =P 


	4. Inside Thoughts, truth revealed

Hey all! Hmm....well, i'm still not sure where i'm going with this fic, but i guess thats ok. By the way, I've decided how the pairings are going to end....just not how....  
Btw, I don't know the ages, i don't know if anyone does, so don't bug me if they're wrong. u can TELL me the correct ages and i'll fix it, but don't wine about somehting i cant help. Oh, and sry about the fic being so cramped together and all. My computer has a glitch and I can't install WORD. I've done this whole fic on a TEXT document! I don't even have WORD PAD!!! So...sry  
  
  
Chapter 4  
  
  
  
Gaz ran out of her house. If somebody was watching from across the street, they'd swear she left a smoke trail. Gaz busted into their garrage and brought out Dib's bike. Their dad had bought it three years back in an attempt to pull Dib away from his weirdness. It was much too small for Dib now, and a bit cramped for her too, but it would do. She pulled out of the driveway just as a Dib came out, his legs crossed, moaning in pain, yelling somthing about how she'd ruin everything.  
She gave him the finger without even looking back.  
  
As Gaz pedaled faster, she reminised, and remember what happened so long ago...  
  
*Gaz's thoughts*  
  
I was six. Dib just turned eight. Even then his weirdness ruined everything. During photo shoots, he'd run off yelling how the flash of a camera sends government waves to pacify the American public. Or whenever we went to a a fast food joint, he'd think the pimple faced cashiers were some kind of hybrid between human and grease. Mom used to tell me stories of how when she was pregnant with me, Dib thought aliens had implanted probes within her stomach. Dib's fears were reaffirmed when he put his head against Mom's stomach and I kicked him. Even then he was such a dork.   
That day. The day he ruined everything. I can't help but laugh at myself. Back then I liked ponies and horsies, pink butterflys and little dollhouses. After the accident, I found out how much fun a barbie doll with some WD-40 and a lighter could be. I wish I still liked dolls and ponies. It would be so much easier. Life would be so much easier.  
Sometimes...I just want to creep up on him while he's sleeping and take a meat cleaver to his insides. He's ok at times. I mean, he's my brother. I've grown to tollerate him as the stupid moron he is. But still...I know it wasn't his fault...I know he was hurt just as much as I was, if not more...because deep down, I know he knows what he did. But still, I just want to go up to him and smack him as hard as I can, and beat it into his thick skull...to stop lying to himelf and take in the truth for once. To take damn responisbility for what he did, and to stop venting himself through Zim. But it's not his fault.  
I remember that day. I was drawing a picture. My pictures back then were all nice and bright, not dark and disgusting like they are now. Back then, dad was still a nobody. A rising scientist who had big hopes and bright horizons. Him and I were out, buying ice cream. Ice cream!! Ice cream for the baby inside mom's stomach. We were so happy. And I think, if only Dib was never born, we could have been a perfect, normal family. We could have been happy. But no...Dib's apart of me now...a part of us, despite how much I hate him and his stupid big head.  
Despite dad's strict orders, Dib was messing around in the lab. He was trying to figure a way into another dimension. I can't remember exactly what he was thinking, but it was something to the extent of...if he blows something up in a certain way, he could blow a chunk out if this reality itself and into another one. See why I keep saying he's STUPID?!?  
Well, he planted the thing in our back yard. It was something like a hybrid between tnt and atomic combustion. He hid behind some garbage cans down the block and covered his ears. Mom came out onto the patio to get some fresh air. He flipped the switch. Boom. Everything in a hundred foot radius was decimated. Mom was gone.  
In essence, Dib's stupidity killed Mom. To this day he claims all it was was a few fire crackers he found in the garrage and pop rocks in a weird looking can he found in Dad's lab. They later found out that it was dad's mini propetual generator he was developing. He never told Dib, and I only found out by accidently by overhearing the conversation with the examiners while crying in the closet. And I think Dib eventualy found out too. Only he most likely doesn't believe it. Still lying to himself that aliens must have done something or ghosts, or whatever the hell he's thinking.   
And now, that idiot is about to blow up someone else I care about. Someone else that matters in my life.   
Wait...  
What am I saying.  
Zim??  
What the hell.  
What do I care about that idiot.  
I don't.  
He's just another face in my life, laughing at me.  
But he's one of the only people I have.  
I can't let Dib kill someone.  
I CAN'T!  
But Zim...what is this? What do I care about Zim?  
He's stupid too. Not stupid like my brother, but stupid just as well. Maybe what I like about him is how he torrments my brother and how he gets him bad. But no. Theres something else. Theres that one time he talked to me personaly. He came to me asking how I could stand Dib and how I had so much power over him. Heheh, I kicked him and said, "Thats how, stupid. Now go away, your voice is making me sick." He came back, this time asking about me. Why I only hang out with Dib. Why I was so different. I told him it was none of his business...that my ugliness was a part of me and to go away. Then...  
  
"Huh? Ugliness? You? Wha? What are you talking about?"  
"Shuttup Zim, before I'm forced to destroy you."  
"Wait, you actualy think you're ugly compared to the other human larva here?"  
"I said SHUTTUP Zim. Yes, I'm ugly, now leave me alone."  
"HAHAHA! Foolish earth child. Look around you at the filth and...disGUSTING other humans. Their vile stink breath is so...VILE, it makes me want to hurl. How could you yourself think you're below these pitiful worm babies."  
  
"........what are you saying? You WANT me to destroy you?!? What are you trying to say, that compared to the other kids...I'm beautiful or something?"  
"Hmmm...well....mmmmm......."  
"GrrRRrr...."  
"Well, for a human, of course."  
"...thanks Zim. Now go away before I doom you."  
"Whatever. But what was it you said before? How exactly do you maintain control over Di...OW, OW!! Alright, stop kicking me dirt child, I'll go.  
  
  
Yeah. Maybe thats when it happened. Maybe thats when it started. I can't admit it. I can't even say it to myself in my head. But I know it. And I hate it. Damn this. Stupid emotion.  
  
And why am I thinking to myself as if I'm talking to someone? Maybe I AM going crazy....  
  
  
  
  
  
Gaz pedaled faster as she thought about her life, and what it would be like if she didn't get there in time.  
  
  
  
Chapter four....DONE!!! WEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! Now please...PLEASE review, and I'll start working on the next chapter soon. WEEEEEEEEE!!! 


	5. A chat with Tak

Chapter 5 is up...whew! heheh. Sry about the lack of humor in the previous few chapters, but I really can't mix humor into serious romance. Just telling you, there wont be much humor in this one or prolly the next, but I'll add in humor later on. Remember, its the SECONDARY genre. ;-) I'll try though.  
  
  
  
  
Chapter 5....enjoy!  
  
  
  
Dib rolled over in pain onto the couch. He turned on the tube while muttering curses about his damn sister. Clutching the ice, he whinced as he applyed it to...you don't wanna know where he applied it to. Sighing, he flipped through the channels for a few minutes until finally settling on some cheap documentary on ufos. After about fifteen minutes, the bag of ice became too much and he discarded it and put his hand over his damaged goods.(Author's note* How can I write this part without sounding obscene?? If you're a guy...you'll understand the pain.).   
Just then, someone knocked on the door.   
"Who...who is it?"  
Tak's voice came through the door. "It's me, Tak. Let me in Dib, we need to talk."  
Dib whinced..."Uh...hold on a sec...ow...OW..."  
Tak came to the window to look in. "Dib? C'mon, let me...HOLY MOTHER OF IRK, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"  
"What???"   
Tak shielded her eyes. "You know Dib, I really thought you were different then these other filthy, perverted humans, but GAH!! You're not worth my time."  
"HUH?!?" said Dib as he opened the door. Then he realized he was involentarily grabbing his crotch from the pain. "Wait!! It's not what you think!! .....ow...ow...Tak! Come back!"  
Tak stopped. *sigh* She walked back with her hands folded, glaring at him. "Will you at least take your hand away from yourself?"  
"Uh...I sorta can't."  
She rolled her eyes and glared harder. "Why?"  
"Hmmm..." He thought, "Either tell her I'm a sick pervert, or that Gaz beat the crap out of me and I may never have children...decisions..."  
"Uh...er..well," Dib said, whincing again, "Well, Gaz sort of...crushed my *cough*balls*cough* with her knee."  
"Eh?"  
"I got kneed in the balls Tak."  
"Oh...oooooh...ouch...You must have been quite the ass. But shouldn't your eyes have exploded?"  
"Huh? Why? Does that happen to Irkens?"  
"Yeah, it doesn't happen to humans?"  
"Nope...heheh...Zim, here I comes my heel..."  
"Whatever, are you going to invite me in or are we going to stay here so the neighbors can listen?"  
"Oh, sorry, come on in."  
She closed the door behind her and looked around the house. It was just another simple normal nasty human household. Somehow, she expected something different from Dib.  
"Well?" He said, "What do you want?"  
Tak smirked. "Heh, you're not still mad about the whole trying to take over the earth thing are you?"  
He just glared.  
"Alright, alright. If it makes you feel better, I'm not on this filthy rock to try to take it over again."  
Dib glared some more.  
"Alien thing, right? What did you expect? I was trying to kill you all."  
He glared, glared, and glared some more.  
"Screw you, I'm leaving."  
"No, sorry, stay."  
"Hmm..." Tak walked over and sat down on the couch. "Well...I know you're not going to like this but...I came to ask you about Zim."  
Dib's eyes twitched.  
"Look, just to let you know, all I want to do is KILL the little bugger."  
Dib breathed a small sigh of relief.  
"But...he's taller then me now. According to Irken federation law, killing someone of superior height is classified as treason and is penalized by living in the digestive system of a spockliborf."  
"Whats a..."  
"You don't want to know."  
Dib scratched his head during the awkeward pause. "Umm...ok...wait, your race measures status by height?"  
"Yours measures by money. Which is stupider?"  
"Uh, nevermind that. What were you going to ask me about? Zim's whatsit?  
"Look, Zim stopped growing a LONG TIME AGO, it's impossible he would be taller then me now. I was at least an inch and a half taller then him the last time. He's almost 3 inches taller then me now. HOW?? I bioscanned his body, everything checks normal. Do you have any idea how he accomplished this feat in height?"  
"Ummmmmmmmmmm...as much as I'd like to help you, I don't have a clue. I thought it was normal. Maybe it's earth's natural radiation..."  
"HAH! Hardly. Planet Irk is 5 times as large with a radioactive field 10 times that of earth. Impossible"  
Another awekward silence.  
"Ah well, I'm leaving then."  
"WAIT!"  
"Huh? What?"  
Dib froze, not knowing what had possesed him to stop her from leaving. What was this?? His mind was confused and boggled. He blamed females in general.  
"Nevermind."  
She was already gone. He sighed and sat down and switched to Mysterious Mysteries.   
"Damn females..."  
  
  
  
  
Sorry, I think that was a stupid chapter, but i wanted to put Tak back in the story for a bit. I also wanted to delay the whole Gaz and Zim blowing up thingy for...umm...i don know, jus cuz. WEEEEEEE!!! anywhos, nex chapter, prolly tomorrow night around 12, tune in true believers. 


	6. Back at Zim's house

Chapter 6! here we go....oh, btw, i'd like to say I don't own any of these characters and they are all creations of jhonen vasquez. Thats the only time I'm going to say it cuz...hey, u all should know i'm not that creative.  
  
I'm changing the rating to pg-13. I thought it was in the first place. oh well.  
Anywhos, heres chapter 6. Enjoy! START ENJOYING! yessssss...  
  
  
  
Chapter 6 ...wow...I said that, what, 3 times?  
  
  
Zim slammed the door and collapsed on his couch. After flipping through the meaningless trivial garbage, he turned it off. Gir was no where to be found. "Most likely wrecking havoc someonwhere," he thought, "Ah well...as long as he doesn't bug me." For some reason, he felt extremely tired. Not physicly, but emotionaly. He had been on the planet too long, had been foiled one too many times, and had been made a laughingstock by the "almighty" tallest. He was tired...sick of it. Once, after a routine status report, the tallest had shut off incoming transmition, but a malfunction had left the outgoing video and sound stream continue on to Zim. He sat there, at first wondering what the heck they were laughing about, and then realized the truth. That they were laughing at him, pointing, teasing, revealing how much of a joke he was to the Irken people. But soon...very soon...they'd get their just deserts...they all would...Once his final and furthermost plan was revealed...soon...  
Zim reached onto his wrist unit and pressed a key. A small mic came out of his back pack and switched on, tuning in on Gir."Gir! GIR! Gir, come in! I need your help with the probes...the probes of DOOM!! Eh? Gir? GIR! ...must be some transmition interference."  
  
*meanwhile*  
  
Gir was standing just a few blocks away near a street lamp he had accidentaly broken down while hunting for space squirrels in his dog costume. Grabbing two sparking cables, he picked them up and examined them.  
"Oooh...smells like BISCUTS!!!"  
*BZZZZTZAP!!*  
"AHGAAH!!! ooOOoh...like a toaster and tennis shave!!!"  
*BZZZZT!*  
"WHAHOOO!!"  
*BZZZZTWAP* *BZZZT* BZZZTZAMO!!*  
"HAHA!" *BZZT* "HAH!" *BZZT" "HA!" "BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTZAMBOOOM!!*  
  
*back at Zim's house*  
  
"Hmmm...strange...whats with these electrical surges? Bah! Inferior human circuitry!"  
Zim walked into the kitchen. He walked up to the toilet, preparing to work tediously on his master plan...when he remembered his sweet, sweet pills. Walking over to one of the many empty cabinets, he brought out his jar of sugar pills. He popped three into his mouth and grabbed some pixy stix. All the sugar rushing around in his system caused his body to start using the energy very rapidly, causing him to drift ever so slowly asleep on the couch...  
  
About an hour later, Zim blinked a few times and found Gir sleeping on his stomach. Setting him down gently onto the couch, he petted his head and moved towards the kitchen. He nearly tripped over Gir's burnt dog suit. It was nothing new. One time Gir had come home with tacos, bird feathers, and hundreds of bees embedded into his costume. Even thinking about asking about it made his head hurt.  
Moving towards the toilet lab door, he ran over the specs for his probes over his head. Just as his hand was on the toilet lever, he heard his name being called, and then a sudden slamming as the door burst open. He didn't even have time to turn his head as someone slammed into his body away from the toilet. Zim was hurled to the ground as the purple haired girl held on, gasping for life.   
Not knowing what was going on, he squirmed for the first few seconds until realizing it was only Gaz. He wouldn't have been able to get out of her grasp even if he wanted to. She was holding his torso so tight, his organs were already feeling sore. They lay there together for a few minutes, Gaz grabbing on, wide eyed, faintly saying between her gasps, "not again...not again...."  
Zim stared at her with curiosity on his face. This was strange to him. New. He had never seen humans act like this. Perhaps she had gone mad..he thought.  
"Hey...hey. Human. Just what do you think you're doing?"  
After a few more seconds, she slowly let go and got up. Looking in him in the eye, she suddenly slapped him out of nowhere.  
"AARGH!! AF! What was that for??" said Zim as he clutched his red face.  
"*gasp* I'm here...saving your life stupid."  
"What? Just what are you talking about?"  
She got to her feet and slowly walked over to the toilet. Looking behind it and around it, she finally lifted the top lid. Reaching in, she tore the trigger wire adn ripped the explosive out. Inspecting it for a few seconds, she through it at Zim.  
"There. Dib was trying to kill you. Don't be so stupid next time."  
"Hmmmm?!?" He said while inspecting the bomb carefully. "Computer!! Analyze!"  
There were various beeps from places deep underground. A deep voice suddenly responded, "Subject is a level D explosive."  
"WHAT? Why was this not detected??"  
"Umm...well, I don't really have sensors inside the toilet."  
Zim let out a scream of anguish and cursed himself again. Looking over, he saw Gaz was already walking towards the door.  
"Wait."  
She kept walking.  
He ran over to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. She stopped. "Wait."  
Gaz turned around and glared at him. "What."  
"Why did you save my life? I'm trying to kill you and your people. What would my existence aid yours?"  
She smirked a bit. "Thats none of your business Zim."  
"Well, I'm making it my business."  
Gaz gritted her teeth and yelled back, "Look, I just saved your life. Least you could do is do what I ask and let it go. It's none of your business."  
Zim sighed and let her go. She turned around and started walking out the door.   
A look suddenly crossed Zim's face. "Wait!"  
She turned around again, her face a masked scowl of anger and frustration.  
He reached out and gently held one of her fingers. "Thanks Gaz."  
Gaz rached out and held his hand. Inside she was screaming to let it out. Outside she showed no sign of anything. "Whatever. Just be more careful next time."  
Letting go, she walked out the door. Zim stood there scratching his head. "I wonder what kind of human emotion that was..."  
  
Gir slept on the couch silently the whole time.  
  
  
Eh...i don't think i'm a good writer. I have big ideas for this fic....*sigh* if only things happened in MY life. Anywhos, i'll write another chapter TONIGHT. whether or not it gets posted...i don know. Btw, could u tell me if anyone's out of character? please review!! Flames are welcome. 


	7. A little butter a little better

HEY!! I'm sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry this has taken so long!! It's been, what, about a month. Heh, and i promised in the last one "the next nite" *scoffs* well, sorry. I jus had a lot of crap goin on after newyears. I can sit here and make excuses but i wont, so...heres chapter 7. Wow, seven! I have no idea how long this whole ficcy is going to be. Prolly like 20 chapters or so. heh...*dreams of the day* anywhos....HERE...WE...GOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  
  
  
  
Chapter 7  
  
  
To the extreme annoyance of Dib, Zim showed up at school the next day. He had interrogated Gaz the night before, but all he got was a butt pummeling. And he didn't hear or see anything about a house exploding on the news, so his hopes where slim that Zim was actualy dead.   
Zim walked casualy towards Tak who was sitting by herself on one of the small brick school walls. He threw a piece of folded paper towards her and walked away. Tak looked back as she walked away and smirked. Dropping down from the wall, she picked it up. It read: Come to my house at 8:00 pm. Alone. No robot. I swear on the Spalooshian Irk Swear of Doom, this is no trap. If you've been as abservant as I suspect you've been, you'll want to come." She laughed silently to herself and walked on.  
Zim next approached Dib. Pointing a finger at him, he declared, "Nice try DIB. Better luck next time. I really thought more of you then try to just blow me up. Make no mistake, you WILL die along with the rest of your filthy, disgusting humans." He started walking off. Then, out of nowhere, his eyes met Gaz's, who gently looked up from her Game Slave 2. The moment came..and passed. She looked down and he walked away.   
"Whats he planning Gaz? He's planning SOMETHING...but...WHAT?!?"  
Gaz batted him off. "Shut your pie hole."  
Dib stood there angry at his sister, at Zim, and at the world.  
  
  
Later that day around 8:15, Tak stood in front of Zim's yard. She had been standing there for the past twenty minutes thinking. Computing the risks and trying to think up a reason why she was there. A few hours earlier after school ended, Tak logged onto the Irken network and brought up Zim's file. It showed basic specs, class, rank, status, and that he was considered mentally insane. History files, blah blah blah, it was all stuff she already knew. After scanning those files, she hacked into the confidential files with a bug program she had created. What she found suprised her.  
Tak expected Zim to be some lowly piece of wannabe invader trash. But it was the complete oposite. Now the full reason why he was given full charge to Operation Impending Doom 1 was clear. 20 years before O.I.D 1, Zim was nothing short of a legend. During his academy days, he recieved utmost praise and honor. The only aspect he wasn't top in was his piloting skills. Everything else, from genetic engineering, to mechanical procedures, Zim was top gun for at least 20 years. He was actualy the one who had designed the standard voot cruiser, which by now was quite dated, but all other Irken small scale crafts were based on his design. This suprised her, as she had never even heard of Zim in her days in the academy. But that was AFTER impending doom 1, in which henceforth his name was almost completely abolished. Besides the piloting spiff, the only other smudge on his form was that he had a mental need for destruction and was classified as possible pre homocidal. Not suprising one bit.   
But shortly before impending doom 1, Zim in short went wacko. It didn't show itself completly until after impending doom 1, but it was clearly there. At first he continued publishing brilliant stuff, pressing new theories. But due to his unpopularity and the popular belief that he was insane, he had a mental relapse. Gradualy his ideas got more and more wacky and zany. Pyschological wise, Tak guessed Zim's self confidence had taken a major blow, leading to him forcing to boost himself over and over. This explained Zim's current ego issue. Of course all Irken's had an ego the size of mountains. They were known as a prideful race. But in Zim's case, it was outrageous, even for an Irken.  
So Tak stood there. "Hmmm...should enter the lair of one of the most insane Irken known. Not to mention one of the cutest....wait. What the hell!" She mentally kicked herself and walked up to the door.  
  
Zim sat inside his fortess, mumbling to himself how late Tak was and how stupid she looked just standing out in front of his house. Grumbling a little, he ws tempted to just walk outside and scream for her to come in. But that would ruin the setting he had tediously worked on. Finally, after nearly causing Zim to rupture a blood vessel, Tak ringed the door. The second she did, it automaticly flew open, and Zim's voice spoke from deep within the darkness of the shadows of his house..."Your late...come in...now." Only his voice sounded deep and foreboding, clearly the result of a voice synthesizer.   
Right on queue, Gir popped out, and moved to close the door behind Tak. That is, he would have moved to close the door behind Tak if he hadn't tripped over the power cord.  
"Warning!" yelled the computer, "Light and visual sequence 496 dash 9018724218374629 interupted! Revertion to standard visual and light modes in progress!!!"  
Zim screamed in frustration as Gir ran around chewing on the cord and short circuiting himself repeatedly. Tak closed the door, then proceeded to kick Gir into the corner, where he laughed and giggled like a six year old who was trippin on crack.  
"You know..." She said, "This...thing...isn't an actual CIR unit. It's some kind of horible, disgusting, horrible thing."  
Zim gritted his teeth in anger and replied, "Yes, yes. I know. I realized something was wrong when a bannana peel was in place for it's main opperating system."  
Tak walked calmly over, holding one of her arms and asking with a quite annoyed tone in her voice, "So...what do you want?"  
Zim chuckled at how soon she, like all other Irken females, rushed to the point. He folded his arms and replied, "The question is, my dear Tak, is what do YOU want??"  
"Eh?"  
Zim chuckled to himself a bit more. "Heheh. Despite your pathetic attempt to convince me otherwise, I still think you're here after my planet and my blood. And, well, I decided to do something about it..."  
Tak, already on her gaurd from a trap, stated flatly, "Zim, I don't want this rock. The Tallest don't want this rock. Heck, I can't imagine why an idiot like YOU would. Wait, oh yeah, I guess the idiot part has something to do with it."  
Zim snickered. "It's worth...FAR more then you could ever imagine. I have a bargaining chip for you. Something beyond your wildest dreams..."  
Tak listened closer and her eyes showed interest.   
"GIR!!"  
Gir stopped dancing and lept over. "Yes, my lord!"  
"Initiate...product bay...CINIMIA"  
Gir walked over to a hidden control pannel sighing, "Thats my favorite bay!"   
The ground shook beneath them as they decended lower into Zim's base. The deeper they went, the more Tak was convinced Zim was going to kill her. They ended up in a room surrouned by a ginormous aquarium. Inside, there was...nothing.  
"This..." said Zim as he cackled to himself, "Is what I'll give you access to. It has taken me months to develop such micro technology, but it has been done!! COMPUTER!!"  
"Whaaaaaaaaat?"  
"Run sequence cow-CH PO-taters!"  
There were various blips as spacious comfortable seats suddenly came up beneath Tak forcing her to sit down. At the same time a giant screen popped up directly in front of them. From the ceiling fell a bucket, popcorn to fill the bucket, and then the butter. While the first two made their mark, the latter did not. Warm butter dripped all over her unamused head.  
"Heheh..." squeaked Zim, "I, uh, still have some bugs to fix in that program..."  
Tak's head was suddenly ambushed by Gir as he tried to lick up the butter drenching her.  
"WHAHAAA!!" yelled the bot, "You head smells like a pickle!"  
Tak screamed out of her seat, arms flailing, sight impaired. She ran into a screaming Zim and they both collapsed on the floor.  
"GIR!!" yelled a buttery Zim, "The dairy compartment is now open!! You have permission to go for a swim."  
Gir ran out howling like a maniac monkey as Zim and Tak tried looked at themeselves in their uttermost greasiness. As Zim licked one of his fingers, his eyes suddenly widened.  
Picking up Taks hand, he gasped, "Your juices...so..delicious."  
Before Tak could respond, Zim slowly licked each of her fingers, his Irken snake-like tongue running around her hand. She shuddered a bit and tried to pull away at first in digust, but was soon suprised at the amount of enjoyment she got out of this treatment. Strangly, pure butter was among the few liquids that didn't burn Irken skin.  
Zim slowly moved up her arm, sending shudders through both their bodies. His tongue traveled bit by bit over her neck, over her cheeks and found its place and in Tak's mouth to discover to find a friend to play with. Their sleak bodies slid onto each other, both trying to grasp the other with their oily hands. After a minute or so, both their boddies quivering slightly, Zim moved back down to her neck, sucking in the juices slightly. Tak slowly moaned his name, "Z-..Zim..."  
Suddenly his eyes widened again. And as if coming out of a trance, he lept away, wondering within his head what had transpired. What had caused him to slip into emotions untouched for decades. What kind of hynotic powers did this Irken posess over him? He cursed himself and paced slightly as Tak lay there gasping for air, her clothes sticking slightly, her skin glistening, and her body soaked in butter and Irken sweat.  
"W..what...the hell was that??" She asked, still gasping slightly from the shock of it all. "Another trick you learned from the humans?  
"NO!" He stoped dead in his tracks and searched mentally for an answer to his peculiar behavior. "It...it was the butter! Yes...it seems to have a peculiar effect on Irkens...very peculiar."  
She chuckled a bit and seductively licked the tip of her finger, letting her tongue trail and Zim blush. "Heh. Maybe I need to get to know this "butter" better. Heh. Maybe you and me both."  
Zim blushed again and decided to ignore the remark. "Well...back to business..."  
Tak got up and hesitantly sat back down in one of the chairs. Zim walked over to the side of the giant digital screen. "Computer! Run plankton sequence!"  
The black and white static of snow filled the screen. It took a few hefty kicks from Zim for the movie to start up normally. On the screen was a creature that looked slightly like a deformed shrimp, only white as a sheet.  
Tak munched unbuttered popcorn and asked between moutfulls, "What the heck is this."  
"IT...is the pillar that keeps all life on Earth constant. The unkown, unresearched, PLANKTON!!" There were a few buzzing noises as the movie switched to viewing the innards of the plankton. "This...PLANK-TON is eaten by many sea creatures and giant behemouths deamed whales by the humans. Through this simple organism, I have devised a way to control ALL MAN KIND!! MUAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!'  
Tak yawned.  
"You see...I have created ROBOT PLANKTON!! And by releasing these mechanical demons and letting them be eaten by the giant whale monsters, I will take control over the huge mammals of blubber. And then...oh yes...the war against the WHALES AND HUMANS WILL BEGIN!! And in the end, when the species have destroyed each other, I, ZIM! will rise from the ashes to CLAIM THIS WORLD! MUAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!"  
"Very amusing Zim. What exactly do these whale things look like, and why exactly are you telling me this?"  
Zim clicked a button. Suddenlt clips of humpack whales creating giant waves, killer whales looking deadly, and bottle nosed dolphins eating fish filled the screen. A clip of JAWs eating various youngsters flashed, a dinosaur marched across a plain, and a T-rex eating a screaming human from Jurrasic Park 8: the revenge of the frogs. The video triumphantly ended with Godzilla spitting fire into the blood red sky and roaring a victory cry over what was the remains of New York City.  
Tak drooled in the destruction. "You'd...you'll have control..over ALL OF THAT?"  
Zim gleamed with pride.  
Tak suddenly shook her head and replied, "No, no Zim. You're trying to give me this kind of access so I'll keep off your back right? Well, I've said it once, and I wont say it again. I don't want this rock."  
"Wha? What was that? I wasn't listening."  
Tak smacked her forehead. "Look Zim. I'm not after anything. I'm worthless back on Irk, as I'll be reassigned to janitorial duty if I ever go back. So I've decided to take some leave on Earth...just for kicks. Oh...and on second thought. I figure...maybe I'll keep you around afterall.  
Zim stared at her and blinked a few times. "How about...possesed clowns? Will that keep you out of my hair?"  
"You don't have hair, and no."  
"Weasel demons?"  
"No."  
"A gnome army."  
"no."  
"hypnotics helmets."  
"naw."  
"Uh...a smelly teddy bear."  
"NO! Wait, what was that last one?"  
Zim writhed in frustration. Pounding himself on the head, the idea suddenly came to him.  
"How about...completing the legendary Irken Tallness Ascent?"  
"N...wha? You're...you're not serious are you?!?"  
FINALLY! he thought. He had found a bargaining tool...perhaps it was a high price, but he'd pay anything to get Tak out of his way.  
"Trust me Tak. I'm dead serious."  
"You mean you've..."  
"YES!! I, the AMAZING ZIM has cracked the mysterious legend, the evolutionary lapse, the secret....to tallness..."  
Tak's mind raced through the possibility. Could it be? Was it possible? Her mind raced back to the legend...the myth...  
According to Irken history, the original planet the Irkens ascended from was a planet called Spliff. Legends say that in the days of old, Irkens mightily grew to heights of an unimaginable seven feet. They were strong in not only mind, but physicaly too. Some of the most ludacris legends told of the myth that in those days, Irkens could actualy mate and bear young, unlike the pitiful way they are grown, spliced, and harvested today. They also lived lives triple in length of the average Irken if the present. Legends say they lived centuries like decades. This was Irken perfection, in both body and mind. But somehow, during the early rise of the exploration of space, the "Spliffians" were invaded themselves by a mysterious race of cosmic turtles wearing colourful masks with radical technology. To escape their impending doom, they fled their planet and plummeted the whole race blindly into the other side of the galaxy using an experimental warp drive in order to escape the blood thirsty turtle creatures who were strangely determined to wipe them out. The Spliffians found themselves in an unknown star system, but soon colonized the nearest planet that met living conditions. You know, nice living rooms, spacious bathrooms, that kind of sort. They named the planet which was empty of sentient life, "Irk", which means "new heaven/gift from God."  
But something strange happened. Within four generations, the lifetime expectantsy slowly became lower. They were also radically decreasing in height. Eventualy, they found that they could no longer mate to bear offspring, and as some generations "matured", that they could not mate at all. Eventualy, to keep their race and legacy growing, they were forced to splice their genes to create offspring. Now, Irkens were grown like animals in cold test tubes. But it was their only way of survival, and their only connection to the perfect Spliffians of old.  
This is why when out of nowhere the Tallest emerged, they were like gods to the Irkens. Their every wish was granted, leadership thrust forward, control of the vast and quickly growing Irken empire acquired. All because it seems as if they were prodigies...some kind of blip in the downward Irken genetic chain, granting them to be perfect. The only thing they lacked was the ability to mate, as both were males. And all attempts of experimental cloning or gene splicing failed, as the clones never followed the trait of the genetical fathers and were eventualy all killed in secret, just as they had come into the world.  
And now, Zim claims to know the secret of the Tallness. He claims to know the most dire solution for the Irken race. He claims to know. Was he just simply insane? That idea was a big possibility, but how was it that Zim had grown so much taller then her over a series of six months when it was geneticaly impossible? HOW?  
Tak's face seemed to be serious, yet playful at the same time."I'm listening...."  
  
  
WHOA!! that was along chappy!! heheh. I know, I know. some scenes in this chapter just seem like excerpts from a bad lemon, don't they? Well, I was prolly going to turn this whole story into a lemon if it hadn't have been to the restrictions. oh well...whatcha gonna do? an i don think this is R material...but i'm afraid the next chapter might end up being if I'm not carefull....eek. if i change the rating...sorry! i dont intend anything too bad though...tune in nex time!! 


	8. THE SECRETS!

HULLO!! Sorry guys, I am sooooooooo sorry this took so long. I wrote the first seven chapters during winter break and haven't had time since. now that its spring break *YAY!* i think i can update a few chapters during this time. Another reason i didn't update sooner is the small amount of reviews i got with the last chapter...it wasn't very encouraging. So if u want me to continue, REVIEW DAMNIT!!!  
..well..here ya go! Enjoy!  
"Well...I'm waiting."  
Tak stood, arms folded, trying to figure the sly look and Zim's face.  
Zim chuckled slightly too himself, which slowly grew to mild laughter, then into loud gawfing and eventualy insane maniacal screams. "You'd like to know wouldn't you? Despite its legendary apeal, I find the accention of little use to me and you a far greater threat then the letting lose of the secrets, Tak. Perhaps it is because the process has relativly just started"  
Zim slowly paced around Tak as if pondering his secrets, the benefits of including Tak in his little discovery and the cons that would eventualy occur throughout the Irken race if it ever got out. In all reality he was just wondering if Gir was making tacos for dinner.  
"Alright, Tak! I'll share with you my recent epiphany. First off, answer me this : What is the one thing the Tallest protect and gaurd above all else?"  
Tak scratched her head slightly. "Er...wouldn't that have to be their snacks?"  
"YES!!! That is the KEY to ACCENTION!!!"  
"What? Poorly packed sweetners held together by glucose in shiny wrapping??"  
"YES!! I mean, no! What is significant about candies? The sweetening! THE SWEEEEEEEEETENING!!!!!"  
"Zim...you're making no sense at all."  
"THE SWEETENING!!! Think Tak! What is different about the royal snacks?!"  
"uh..theres always the drugs...no? uh...umm...oh yeah! The royal spread! C3h49!"  
"YES! And where does C3h48 come from Tak?"  
"What was it...what was it....Arse Minor right? Thats the planet Red and Purple were assigned to during skirmish skwaskwiglaspleen. But what does that have to do with....wait...C3h48? Thats the key?"  
"SUCCESS!!"  
"Wait, how do you know this? You haven't even had a sample of C3h48. No irken has! Wait...does this mean Arse Minor is Spliff?!?"  
"No. Thats what I first suspected. But as you can see, I too am growing. According to my calculations, I will reach full accention within five years of time."  
Tak slammed her fist down in frustration. "But how is that possible? How do you know this? There is C3h48 on Earth too?"  
"No...not an ounce. Tak...you do know what happened after Red and Purple's recon misson? What happened to the Tallest?"  
"They...accended?"  
"No, besides that!"  
"Uh...oh yeah, they lost use of their limbs! Thats why they're stuck in those suits. But I thought that was just a strain of freak virus that rendered them limbless."  
The more the two Irkens conversed, the more Tak suspected Zim was actualy on to something. The vey thought scared her.  
"No, my gullible Tak, thats what the Irken media has told you. Everyone is so foolishly worshiping the Tallest, bowing so damn low none have even suspected the royal spread. No one has bothered to try to synthesize it. No one but me.  
Tak glared at Zim. "So thats it...you're synthesizing royal spread...thats how you're accending....I never would have thought someone as blindly loyal to the tallest as you would disobey their strongest command...that you would.."  
"NO!" Zim banged his head in frustration. "No Tak, I'm not synthesizing it. I dont HAVE to."  
"But you said there was no..."  
"The limbs Tak. Remember the LIMBS!!" Zim flailed his arms wildly as a demonstration.  
"Uh..."  
"When I first started going through the changes, and when I realized what it was that was making me change, I DID synthesize C3h48. You CAN'T make the actual substance Tak, the tallest secretly ensured all synthesizers were not able to. But I could still test the data and experiment on theoretical responses it would have on Irk DNA. Unlike the common C34 that most Irkens use as sweeteners, C3h48 is far more complicated. An its effects far more..peculiar. Turns out it deteriorats nerve endings in select spinal muscles...i.e. the limbs. Thats because C3h48 is an imperfect strain in the path to accention. Its close...but not close enough to fill in all th holes.  
"HOW DO YOU KNOW ALL THIS?? What started YOUR accention Zim! I DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE DAMNIT!!" Tak grabbed Zim and shook him furiosly.  
"Taaak! Calm!! All in dude time. You MUST know the whole story. My accention started shortly after I defeated you. I ran out of standard invader snack packs, and it seemed the Tallest had cut off my shipment. Oh, don't even say it. I know I'm not really an invader, you don't have to rub it in. Well, having no sweet sweet snacks, I had to resort to lowly EARTH snacks. And thats where it started. You see Tak, it's not C3h48 thats on Earth its.."  
"Sugar."  
"YESS! You see, like I said C3h48 is an imperfect strain of the sweetner on Spliff that caused the great accention. No one ever, EVER suspected the sugar, and by the time our technology became advanced enough to figure it through DNA experimentation, the genes were so dormant, it was impossible. But SUGAR! Yes sugar! In our element table it would be C4h49I82CL4 and one other element that is not on ANY other planet in the known universe. Hydrogen. Which is why water is scarce in the Universe as well. Sugar is the PERFECT strain Tak! It has no faults, and locks with our dna so percisely it is impossible it wasn't meant to."  
"WAIT! If thats so then this means...Spliff is.."  
"Earth"  
THERE!! Finally, another chappy fnished. Again I apologize how long this took. Sorry it was relatively short too, but i jus wanted to lay out something to appease the small amount of readers. I'll be updating again soon...hopefully.... 


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